Member-only story
I Never Learned to Use Money for Fun or Self-Care
Growing up, I was shamed for spending money on myself.
To this day (I’m in my early 40s) my dad will say something if he sees that I upgraded anything in my home or took a trip with my family. Something like, “must be nice” or “since you have so much money”. It still affects me in a negative manner.
I feel my blood boil and am triggered. It has taken a lot of healing for me to learn to take a deep breath and ignore. In getting to know his past, I understand that he grew up poor and he has never healed from his traumas. So, he will always be who he is. I can’t change him, but I can create boundaries to protect myself.
My mom does not agree with his point of view, but how she handled things growing up was not the best. She told us to lie when we would spend money on something fun. We could not talk about it as excited as we were. I did not want to continue the pattern of lying about money in my home.
Even though my husband is not like my dad, it is hard for me to share things that I am doing for myself. I feel like I have to offer a long explanation to justify my expense. My husband has made me be more comfortable over the years. He never questions my spending and even plans many self-care and fun events for us or just for me.
