My Avoidant Personality Has Hurt my Well-Being and Finances
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I used to say that I was free-spirited, but I have learned that is a defense mechanism.
Avoidants have been hurt. They have abandonment issues. They have been vulnerable and that was used against them. They have childhood trauma.
Avoidants are afraid to get close to others. Intimacy scares them for the reasons listed above.
You get so used to pushing people away that it’s not something you think about. Relationships end and it’s no biggie. You cry for one day and are completely fine the next day. Is that normal?
It doesn’t feel like it.
I read that it takes about 3.5 months to get over a breakup. Divorce is almost a year.
The worst thing I have done because of my avoidant personality is ghost friends. Good friends. I could still have had these friends in my inner circle if I were not afraid. I miss a lot of them.
I cannot explain why I cut these people off from my life. They never did anything bad to me. Some things annoyed me, but I could have been normal and focused on the positive. A switch went off and I just stopped talking to them. They would call, text, and leave me messages asking if I was okay and if they did anything wrong. I would tell myself that I was going to call them, but I didn’t. And then too much time went by, and it was awkward.
In relationships, it was the same. The more someone liked me the more I would distance myself. I liked the initial passion and butterflies, but when things started to settle into a relationship, I would just cut them off as my friends did. I don’t miss them or think “what if.” I only miss the friendships.
How has this affected my finances?
I missed opportunities to learn from people who were good with money when I was a mess.
I made impulsive decisions because I didn’t want to look around for a better deal.
I made expensive purchases to make myself feel better.
I never asked for help or favors.
I didn’t try on clothes before purchasing, and when I got home and wanted to wear them out, they wouldn’t fit. I wouldn’t return them. I didn’t want to deal…
